One for the Money, Two for the Show, Three for Love?
by Howlingwolf666
Summary: Bilbo is a mutant acrobat turned mutant thief, who may be the fanatical lawyer's Saruman, best bet to bring down mutant mob boss Thorin 'Oak' Durin. Thing is, Saruman's rotten scheme will only work if Bilbo doesn't fall in love with Thorin, one of his best friends, and the rest of Thorin's family in the process. Too bad that's easier said than done.


**Chapter 1**

Bilbo had been born and raised in a small circus that had never managed to really get the attention of the big cities, but for the small towns, they had brought a smile to every face that came under the big top, and at a fairly reasonable price at that. His mother had been a fire eater on the runway and inside she was one of the best trapeze artists around; many of the big name circuses had been willing to give her huge salary raises, but her heart belonged to this circus because of someone very special. Bilbo's father, mostly just a roustabout, but he was also one hell of a contortionist as well as a bit of a strong man, though none would have ever guessed, and one day, he had decided to ask her to marry him and he had done it right during one of their performances.

Bilbo had been born not long after they had been married, and his parents could not have been more proud of him if he was the king of Scotland; not only had Bilbo inherited Belladonna's fearless personality and Bungo's contortionist capabilities, but he had also inherited fairly powerful mutant abilities as well. He was a low level telepath, he could walk through walls, he could communicate with technology, and he had the ability most could only dream of; shape shifting. Bilbo loved growing up in the circus, where there were so many different kinds of abilities from his mother's fire breathing to his father's animal speak (as well as the super strength of course), and everyone treated each other like family, which was why it hit everyone pretty hard when Bungo was killed by a common mugger/mutant hater when Bilbo was only seven and Belladonna followed six months later from a broken heart. No one knew anything about Bungo's previous family, and Belladonna's family had been part of the circus for three generations so Bilbo stayed with the circus and was raised be everyone there. He was taught how to sew by the seamstresses, taught how to cook by many of the vendors, taught mathematics by the accountants, but probably most importantly, how to balance the responsibility of his powers and still have fun was taught to him by the clowns, those who had been some of his father's best friends. Through a combination of his powers and his own natural talents, Bilbo himself had become a drawing attraction by the time he was fifteen.

Unfortunately, he had become too well known; like his mother before him, the big circuses all wanted him, but this time, they were offering the money to the circus directly as well as to him, and he didn't have a sweetheart to tie him to the circus. Normally, Bilbo wouldn't give two hoots about it, but they had fallen on hard times, and Bilbo knew that the money could make it so everyone kept their jobs which, with the country being torn right down the middle about mutants, was very important to a lot who would be unable to find other lines of work, especially ones that would keep them all together. So, with a heavy heart, Bilbo signed the contract and left his wandering home and the people that had raised him. The new circus was composed of half mutants and half humans, and as such Bilbo received a mixed chilly reception from everyone but seven performers; the humans resented a 'freak mutant' getting the center ring for the trapeze, and the mutants didn't like how he had such powerful abilities whereas some of them had rather weak or useless abilities that restricted them to being vendors, barkers and roustabouts. The only ones who accepted him were Elrond the knife thrower and martial arts dazzler, his daughter Arwen the lion tamer, his half-son Aragorn the sword master, Thranduil the animal tamer and Elrond's dueling partner, his son Legolas and daughter Tauriel the crack shot duo, and Boromir the escape artist. They never explained why, but they accepted him and furthered his education; Boromir taught him how to escape from some sticky situations in case there was ever a time in which he couldn't access his powers, which was the same reason Legolas and Aragorn helped him become a high level computer hacker without his abilities, and the others helped him learn how to fight. He did not think he could ever be as close to these seven as he had with his previous family, but he would get nowhere in being standoffish. Then one day, a pair of disgruntled acrobats set fire to the big top and tried to blame the fire eater (read, the mutant with pyrokinesis) but Bilbo had convinced the older, more experienced cop that a pyrokinetic would have no use for accelerants like gasoline or the matches that had been found next to the point of origin.

Despite Bilbo saving the pyrokinetic, the humans were angry that the 'freak' had pointed the finger at two of their own (not that Bilbo had known who had done it; he just knew pyrokinetics didn't need gasoline and matches to start a fire). It also turned out that the boss had taken the money and run when he thought the big top was doomed. So, many had had to find other lines of work, but Bilbo was worried because the circus was all he had ever known. But the others were determined that he not give up; turned out Bilbo was smart enough to fool many computer programmers, and had become a freelancer and a damn good one at that. They had all found jobs in the city they had stopped in, which turned out to be Manhattan, including Bilbo getting a second job at a little bakery that loved all the carnival food Bilbo could make, and within two years, they had expanded into a regular sweet shop that the children loved to come to for the cotton candy and circus popcorn that they sold. Bilbo was happy with both of his jobs, as one fed his pocket and the other fed his heart with smiles and love (a/n: God that is one cheesy line) but he was also incredibly bored; he knew that it would be a hardship getting used to life after the excitement of the circus, but this was agonizing! Until one day, he realized that there was more in his bank accounts than there should be and realized his abilities had given him an intriguing option to scratch his itch and set about becoming a very tricky thief. He used all of his abilities to become quite the thief, but what was funny was that no one knew they were being robbed; when he made jewellery heists from safety deposit boxes (at night, of course; he was looking for a high not getting killed or killing people), instead of outright stealing the jewellery, he simply stole the stone, and replaced them with high quality fakes that no one but dealers would recognize. Furthermore, from the bank accounts he stole from, he had managed to steal only fifty dollars from those that fifty dollars was chicken feed, and they never even noticed. Sometimes he even transferred the money from the snobs to the schmoes who were having trouble keeping food on their tables.

Yeah, Bilbo was smart at keeping his head down and his tracks covered, as money was easy enough to hide so long as you didn't spend it. However, he should have known his rather illustrious past would come back to haunt him.

Page break – Saruman is a douche – Page break

Saruman was a prosecuting lawyer, and a damn good one, though he knew the others in the office liked to make fun of him, saying he should have been an old world minister instead of a lawyer, with how intolerant he was of 'abnormal' things. Saruman knew he was in the right however; persecuting filth too lazy to get real jobs, trying to bring down crime families that preached about keeping crime down in their territories and how they were simply 'honest business men' and most importantly, the rounding up of disgusting _mutants_ and either sending them to power restrictive prisons or to fight in wars, which is the only place they could possibly be of any real use.

The latest thorn in his side was _Thorin 'Oak' Durin_ and his miserable company of mutants and criminals. It wasn't bad enough that each of them were criminals in one thing or another, or that they were mutants, or they were _hiding_ behind a 'legitimate' business, no; they had to have _gang wars_ against the only group that was willing to actually do something about the mutant menace that plagued the streets. Azog and his men ought to receive medals, but judges Smaug and Galadriel refuse to do as such and instead, whenever some of Azog's men are brought before either judge, they deal out extreme sentencing, sometimes even adding on hate crimes! Saruman did everything he could think of, but they refused to listen to him!

He needed someone to get on the inside of the company, someone to find out something, especially since he had heard others talking about sending him on a long vacation where he could rest. He had often believed that one of the chief DA's closest friends was a telepath who influenced him. He was searching through countless records, but no one was someone that 'The Company' could possibly have any use for, until he came across some articles, minor really, about some people realizing that their formerly 'priceless' jewellery had been replaced with very good quality fakes. The stories were few and far between, with most people believing the whole thing had been an insurance scandal. Cross referencing the stories with mutants who had abilities necessary to pull of such heists, and there was only one person who had the required abilities; a forcibly retired circus performer that had set up shop in Manhattan, of course cheating by using his abilities, but he fit to a 'T' the kind of person who the company would like. And what would make the whole thing easier to accomplish, was that the mutant had gained custody of two relatives from his previous circus; Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took, both had been the children of two mutants each, giving the boys at least an 80% chance of developing abilities. Yes, this could end up working perfectly.

**A/N:** Ok, shoot me, I shouldn't have started a new story so soon, but what do you do when the bunnies won't leave you alone? By the way, like the title suggests, this is going to be a threesome, but whether it's Bilbo/Thorin/Bofur or Bilbo/Thorin/Dwalin, that's up to you. Furthermore, I could use some ideas on which member of the company gets which ability. Any ideas? If you need some inspiration (like I do), wikipedia has a list of almost (if not) all abilities that every superhero and villain has had in the past.


End file.
